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PARENTS TODAY are raising the best generation of negotiators the world has ever known. Beginning at about age two, kids negotiate everything from what to eat to what to wear.

As they get older, they negotiate when and where to do homework and what activities to get involved in. During the teen years, negotiations open up over curfew and driving privileges.

These negotiations can be useful to both children and parents, for several reasons:

I Parents are more likely to reach their goal.

Simple negotiations begin with toddlers. You're trying to get your toddler to sit on her little potty chair to practice toileting. Rather than quickly complying with your wishes, your two-year-old opens up negotiations,

"How about the big potty?"

Well, it's not exactly what you wanted but it's a reasonable request. By granting it, your goal is accomplished, your child practices toileting. She's willing to do so because you allowed her some reasonable input into the situation at hand.

II Negotiating provides children control in a "no choice" situation.

Your preschooler must take her medicine, you anticipate it's going to be a battle. The antibiotic must go down her gullet, so you open up negotiations,

"Do you want to take it with juice or water, before or after lunch, sitting on my lap or on the chair?"

By negotiating where, when and with what, she feels less forced in the "you must take your medicine" situation, you'll probably sidestep an ugly scene of tears, tantrums and struggle. You're giving her a feeling of control in a situation that's really out of her control.

III Negotiating satisfies children's expanding need for control.

Ten-year-old Will asks for more allowance and baseball posters for his bedroom wall.

You refuse both requests. You feel you're dolling out money all the time, there's no reason to go from $3 to $5 a week. And you hate posters—they easily rip, looking tacky and the tape mars your paint job.

Not to be denied, your son shifts into negotiation. He's determined to grasp more control of his life. If you'll agree to increase his allowance, he's willing to empty the garbage daily and feed the dog.

Also, he discovered a substance from the hardware store that's perfect for sticking posters on the wall, claiming it won't damage the paint.

After considering his talking points, you realize that his pre-adolescent push for more control is really reasonable, and you grant his requests.

IV It builds self-esteem.

When parents negotiate the little stuff—clothes, food, activities—children feel powerful and in control of bits and pieces of their lives. By negotiating with Billy over macaroni and cheese for dinner or spaghetti, you're demonstrating his importance by valuing his opinion.

With many such negotiations, his self-esteem builds so then he won't need to push, barge and bulldoze his way through the big rules his parents must enforce regarding safety or the family's values.

When you refuse to allow him to go to the park by himself, he'll most likely agree because he realizes it a safety issue and not an incident where he must prove himself for self-esteem's sake.

V It prepares kids for adult life

When kids are part of solving a problem, they are usually more willing to go along with executing the solution. In addition, children learn negotiation skills they can use at school, in clubs and student government.

Source : netguide.com